So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
