he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
