my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
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