I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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