I wish I only lived at night.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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