Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
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