guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
