I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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