I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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