All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Randomize
