I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize