college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
