my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
