you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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