Got a toothbrush?
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
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