Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Randomize
