here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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