can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Randomize
