This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
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