Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
