She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
