what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
We have started to decorate penises.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Randomize
