On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
