So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
