the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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