You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Randomize
