hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
