Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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