he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
