id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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