i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize