Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
