So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
