Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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