i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
