after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
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