I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
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