She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
