so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
