I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
