i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
