I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
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