It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
