so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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