She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
the condom got lost in my hair
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
