the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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