Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
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