I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
