If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Randomize
