just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
