he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
don't judge my taste in strippers
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
