I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
