Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
