yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Randomize
