Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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