I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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