So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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