He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
