and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
