Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Randomize
