i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
