He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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