He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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