fuck your aforementioned shoe
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
