oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
the liver wants what the liver wants
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
