weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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