Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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