1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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