I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
only if we run a train.
done.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
