She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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