So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
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