his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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