Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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