Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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