also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
