She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize