in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize