He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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