some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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